Summer coming to an end with a family travel story

Why was the writer of this L. A. Times piece so surprised that traveling with older relatives can be fun?

Here's an introductory quotation about the family history potential for such travels:

"Traveling with parents to places that were important in their earlier lives can be important and meaningful for their life review and give the younger generations traveling with them insights into the ways that their parents' or grandparents' lives have shaped their own," says USC psychologist Bob Knight.

I enjoyed the story recounted in the piece where the elderly mother turned off her hearing aid during the road trip so that her travel companions (aka her adult daughters) could "talk about her."

Besides the family history dimension, the intergenerational connections can be priceless. So often we segregate ourselves, not just in society, but even in our families, by age.

Last January, I enjoyed a relaxing vacation to Maui with my partner and my mother. We enjoyed the sun, food, beaches, and activities with great memories together. The photo above is shot from our balcony where we enjoyed the warm weather and watched the whales in the channel.

(After a summer break from writing, I've resumed posts now as of September 2.)

When older parents get remarried

This article from the Wall Street Journal/Smart Money gives some great information and helpful suggestions regarding property and estates when older parents remarry. Careful consideration should be given to how to provide for a surviving spouse, but also to leave whatever desired (by the parent) inheritance to the children of the prior marriage. A couple possibilities include a prenuptial agreement or a trust.

Without careful planning, the adult children and the surviving spouse may be at odds, even to the extent of fighting over an estate in court. For example,

Most lawyers and financial planners agree that the families that get cross-ways are those that don't communicate. [An Atlanta attorney] says there is a saying in the field: "People get over the loss of a loved one sooner than the loss of an inheritance."

Golden (years) opportunities

For age is opportunity no less
Than youth itself, though in another dress,
And as the evening twilight fades away
The sky is filled with stars, invisible by day.

A few lines of Longfellow quoted in a New York Times essay about aging and the potential for freedom and happiness in old age. In a surprising example, the writer learned that those living in their later years, even with advanced old age, are not simply resigned to loneliness and sadness.

Korean scholars revisit international adoptions from Korea

In recent news from my alma mater, St. Olaf College, English professor, Jennifer Kwon Dobbs, is mentioned for her co-authored essay, "Rethinking Consent to Adoption," about internation adoptions of Korean children.

Concerning the numbers for 2009,

With the international trend clearly turning toward domestic solutions and family preservation, we may wonder why over 1,080 babies went to the U.S. from South Korea this year for adoption.

The authors continue by pointing out the legal (and fading cultural) bias against unwed mothers. That bias has been the engine behind moving the children of those unwed mothers into adoption, rather than promoting family preservation or even domestic adoption within Korea. The writers note that the laws are changing to accomodate a longer period for a mother to consider placing her child for adoption, but they encourage that much more be done to improve the attitude and process of adoption in Korea.

Fascinating perspective.

Work and meaning in hard economic times

In a New York Times Sunday Magazine essay entitled "Part-Time Fulfillment," writer Beverly Willett shares her experience working at a "fulfillment center" for phone and internet sales. The simple and personal messages that came with some orders reminded Willett of her own family connections, in addition to the manual work beside other working men and women.

Here's part of the essay:

The items [the center shipped in orders] ranged from T-shirts and teddy bears to coffee mugs and casserole dishes.

. . . The pay was $12 an hour, before taxes, with no health coverage, sick leave or other benefits. During the first few weeks, I sat in a chair all day and typed in orders, a far cry from my early days as a lawyer representing clients with household names.

Right after I got my first paycheck, my car broke down, and heating-oil money was diverted to the repair shop. During Week 2, the 20 to 25 hours I thought I’d be working dwindled to 13. But I called a halt to my pity party when I counted up all my friends who lost their jobs in 2009. And that’s when I began to feel satisfaction from the work I did get. Although the job involved inputting product codes and shipping data for several hours at a time, it somehow got me in touch with real people with real lives in real towns. And it gave me glimpses into worlds other than my own that, for at least the course of a workday, melted preoccupation with my own troubles.

Age is just a number, right?

Recently, the Washington Post ran this column about "old age," from the lens of the fraud conviction of 85-year-old Anthony Marshall (the son of prominent New York City philantropist, Brooke Astor, who died at age 105 in 2007).

Not so surprising from the author's numbers, people in their 70's and 80's are more active, healthy lives than their counterparts even a couple decades ago.

Also, the concept of "old" is age-relative:

[T]here's little agreement on what makes us old or even when we become old. That depends largely on the age of the person answering the question, according to a recent Pew Research Center survey. In this national sample of nearly 3,000 adults, people ages 18 to 29 say a person is old at 60; but people who are 60 don't believe that. Those who are 65 years old say they won't cross the line into old age until they turn 74.

The same disagreement exists over the markers of old age. A hefty 44 percent of young people think those who retire are old. But only 10 percent of men and women 65 and older -- the ones in the R Zone -- equate official retirement with being old.

Apparently, one's state of mind and physical health is not solely, or even predominantly, dependant on one's chronological age.

Mayo Clinic electronic newsletter

The Mayo Clinic website has tons of great information, even beyond what we usually consider medical information, such as healthy eating and various aspects of healthy living. On the Clinic's homepage, you can sign up to receive its electronic newsletter.

Recently, the newsletter ran this helpful piece on talking to children about adoption. Topics in the article include when to talk to your child about adoption, how to discuss it, how to address racial or cultural differences, and answering children's questions.

Insights into international adoptions

A story in the New York Times looks at international adoptions, especially adoptions of Korean children in the 1950s to 1980s, and the difficulty with cultural and racial adjustments the children went through. Now adults, numerous adoptees were interviewed for a report, which enlightens many issues of transracial adoptions.

The report was issued by the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, a nonprofit adoption research and policy group based in New York. Since 1953, parents in the United States have adopted more than a half-million children from other countries, the vast majority of them from orphanages in Asia, South America and, most recently, Africa. Yet the impact of such adoptions on identity has been only sporadically studied. The authors of the Donaldson Adoption Institute study said they hoped their work would guide policymakers, parents and adoption agencies in helping the current generation of children adopted from Asian countries to form healthy identities.

“So much of the research on transracial adoption has been done from the perspective of adoptive parents or adolescent children,” said Adam Pertman, executive director of the institute. “We wanted to be able to draw on the knowledge and life experience of a group of individuals who can provide insight into what we need to do better.”

The study recommends several changes in adoption practices that the institute said are important, including better support for adoptive parents and recognition that adoption grows in significance for their children from young adulthood on, and throughout adulthood. South Korea was the first country from which Americans adopted in significant numbers. From 1953 to 2007, an estimated 160,000 South Korean children were adopted by people from other countries, most of them in the United States. They make up the largest group of transracial adoptees in the United States and, by some estimates, are 10 percent of the nation’s Korean population.

The report says that significant changes have occurred since the first generation of adopted children were brought to the United States, a time when parents were told to assimilate the children into their families without regard for their native culture.

Yet even adoptees who are exposed to their culture and have parents who discuss issues of race and discrimination say they found it difficult growing up.

How our mortality can define the meaning of our lives

The New York Times concluded (for now) its blog series, Happy Times, about "the pursuit of what matters in troubled times recently. The final entry reflects on the meaning of one's life, especially when facing or reflecting upon one inevitable death. The writer observes two lessons in our mortality: First, that death is terrifying because we are essentially future-focused beings, and we do not know when death will occur for us.

The second, less obvious lesson is that death gives our life purpose by defining our lives in time, with finite boundaries. Developing that thought:

And when there is always time for everything, there is no urgency for anything. It may well be that life is not long enough. But it is equally true that a life without limits would lose the beauty of its moments. It would become boring, but more deeply it would become shapeless. Just one damn thing after another.

This is the paradox death imposes upon us: it grants us the possibility of a meaningful life even as it takes it away.

The evolving science of autism spectrum disorder

A recent story in the New York Times describes the ongoing evolution and evaluation of medical and scientific understanding of Asperger's syndrome and similar conditions within the range of autism spectrum disorder.

Here's an excerpt:

If these experts have their way, Asperger’s syndrome and another mild form of autism, pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified (P.D.D.-N.O.S. for short), will be folded into a single broad diagnosis, autism spectrum disorder — a category that encompasses autism’s entire range, or spectrum, from high-functioning to profoundly disabling.

“Nobody has been able to show consistent differences between what clinicians diagnose as Asperger’s syndrome and what they diagnose as mild autistic disorder,” said Catherine Lord, director of the Autism and Communication Disorders Centers at the University of Michigan, one of 13 members of a group evaluating autism and other neurodevelopmental disorders for the manual [on psychiatric diagnoses, being revised for publication in 2012].

“Asperger’s means a lot of different things to different people,” Dr. Lord said. “It’s confusing and not terribly useful.”

Taking Asperger’s out of the manual . . .does not mean the term will disappear. “We don’t want to say that no one can ever use this word,” Dr. Lord said, adding: “It’s not an evidence-based term. It may be something people would like to use to describe how they see themselves fitting into the spectrum.”